Shame Must Change Sides

“My message of hope to all victims is never have shame.” –Gisèle Pelicot

In an act of wifely devotion, Gisèle Pelicot, of Mazan, France, accompanied her husband to their local police station in November 2020 because he had been asked to show up for questioning. Gisèle was completely unaware that she was about to be shown videos of herself, drugged and unconscious, in their own home. Dominique Pelicot, her husband of 47 years, was about to be accused of systematically and repeatedly raping her–while she was completely oblivious to his acts–over the course of a decade. Not only had he routinely “crushed sleeping tablets and anti-anxiety medication” into her meals and desserts, he also regularly invited the men of their village to join him in assaulting her.

By the time Dominique Pelicot’s trial began in 2024, 51 men, all strangers to Gisèle, were accused alongside him of raping, sexual assaulting, or attempting to rape his wife.

Gisèle’s response to this stunning devastation in her life has been to confront shame head on. “Shame sticks to you, it sticks to your skin….Shame is a double sentence, it’s a suffering you inflict on yourself. [But] it’s not for us [the victims] to have shame, it’s for them [the perpetrators].”

Gisèle’s courageous act of waiving her right to anonymity during her husband’s trial has transformed her horrendous experience into a global lesson about shame that has begun to change culture. Her openness has spurred demonstrations and protests around the world in support of changed attitudes–the need for society to more carefully listen to victims and, in turn, for victims to feel more protected in breaking their silence and speaking out.

Public awareness of the trial prompted France to change its laws about sexual violence. In October 2025, France adopted a new law that redefines rape as “any non-consensual sexual act.” This long overdue move followed earlier, updated laws in the United States, all of the United Kingdom, Denmark, Finland, Spain, Greece, and other European countries.

On March 10, 2026, Queen Camilla of England, long time advocate for women who have suffered abuse, marked International Women’s Day by speaking out against violence towards women. In her speech, the Queen spoke of her recent meeting with Gisèle Pelicot and the importance of Gisèle’s “determination that the world’s view of violence against women must shift dramatically”–including it’s views about shame.

Both women proudly wore new red and black lapel pins that read “Shame Must Change Sides.” This injunction has been taken up as a popular slogan around the globe as well as being emblazoned on the cover of Pelicot’s new book, Gisèle Pelicot: Shame Has to Change Sides, A Hymn to Life. (2026, Penguin Press)

This crucial shift about how we view shame is a ground-breaking theme in How Shame Runs the World. In Part III, A Revolutionary Look at Shame, I explain how our traditional view of any experience of shame stays focused on how shame impacts us on the receiving end, about how we feel when it’s inflicted on us. We don’t much consider how or why shame gets doled out in the first place or what’s behind a shaming act that’s done by someone. How Shame Runs the World explores many reasons why perpetrators’ shameful acts often stay hidden from view while victims’ experiences are exposed and exploited. This flawed and backward view about the dynamics of shame is the foundation of everyday conversations as much as of more dramatic events. You likely do not even realize this reversal is happening when you encounter it day to day--or how often shame is involved for you.

The information and tools in How Shame Runs the World will give you new perspective. For instance, read about A New Frame for Shame in Chapter 12. You’ll appreciate how everyone–from jurors and judges in court cases to you, in your home, feeling gutted by shame from some event you did not cause– must consider that shame always begins with an agent who inflicts it before it’s received by a target who suffers it. Only by recognizing the whole expanse of shame can you understand its power and impact.

Yes, shame must change sides. You now have available the knowledge you need to make this happen for you.